


Meant To Be Yours

by unusuallyeddie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gay, Heathers AU, Highschool AU, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Murder AU, Nobody knows, am I following the musical or movie version of Heathers?, deviation form canon, for both spn and heathers, or if they are it isnt mentioned, people die kids, sam and dean arent brothers here, sammy is very briefly mentioned, sorry sam girls, the chapters will get longer as I go along I promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-05-23 18:24:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14939498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unusuallyeddie/pseuds/unusuallyeddie
Summary: Castiel finally has the chance to be popular once the schools biggest clique, the Angels, adopts him. But when he attracts the attention of new kid Dean Winchester, he learns popularity isn't all it's cracked up to be.





	1. Chapter 1

Cas wasn’t used to popularity. No, he was used to being in the shadows, used to being pushed around by the average peer. He was used to being weak, being a dork, being the bottom of the high school food chain.

But now?   


Now, he was at the very top. He was in with the Angels, the most popular boys in the school. They ran the damn place, doing whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, and not taking anyone's shit. And somehow, miraculously, Castiel got on their radar as being able to forge anything. So they took him in, dressed him up and raised him up from hell, bringing him to where he was now.

An Angel.

The Angels had been running the school since freshman year. The group was led by Gabriel, a short blonde with an attitude and a penchant for sweets. He was a prankster and loved getting revenge on anyone who went against him. Gabriel’s second in command was Balthazar, a taller boy who had a tendency for thievery and snark, willing to do anything Gabriel asked. Lastly was Samandriel, a sweetheart who got picked up primarily for his good looks and willingness to go along with whatever Gabriel and Balthazar said. He was a bit of a ditz, and a cheerleader, but was pretty enough that no one cared.

Together, they were unstoppable. A force of nature. The cliche, over the top leaders of Lawrence High, the three Angels got whatever they pleased. 

And apparently, they wanted Castiel.    


He knew why. He could forge any note, mimic any signature. He wasn’t half bad looking either, with dark hair and big blue eyes. 

So the Angels found him, gave him a new wardrobe with stole credit cards, and started his new life as a popular boy.

It was beautiful.

People finally respected him, treating him with awe. Girls and guys and everyone in between wanted Castiel as either a friend or a fuck. People let him copy their homework at the drop of a hat. Hell, even the teachers liked him more!   


So, yeah, being an Angel was definitely all it was cracked up to be. Life was good, everything was solid. Senior year was shaping up to be the best year in all twelve years of public education by far.

All Castiel was missing now was a hot girlfriend/boyfriend/datemate. The Angels didn’t usually have any...Gabriel had a side-piece named Sam, and Balthazar and Samandriel both were hooking up with the football players Meg and Ruby, respectively. But Castiel was a romantic at heart, and damnit he wanted someone he could call his.

That is when Dean Winchester came along.

~   


Castiel and the Angels were walking to their lunch table when someone caught Castiel’s eye. Tall, with dark blonde hair and a tan, green eyes and a leather jacket. Castiel didn’t recognize him, but god, he wanted to get to know this guy better.

“His name is Dean Winchester.” Samandriel said, following Castiel’s line of vision. “He’s in my history class. He’s kinda creepy.”

Castiel kept his eyes trained on Dean, almost missing how Ruby and Meg were watching him as well. The two jocks got up, walking over to where Dean sat alone, ill intent in their eyes. Castiel watched them, concern etched in his features, ignoring Gabriel’s snort of “This should be good”.

From his viewpoint, he could see the calm look on Dean’s face, and the sneer on Meg and Ruby’s. He could vaguely hear the girls threatening him, asking him why he bothered to come to Lawrence, and telling him he should look away from the Angels if he didn’t want his balls removed.

Dean sighed audibly at that, standing, towering over the two girls. As Castiel watched, the new kid pulled a gun - a  _ real _ gun - out of his pocket and carefully held it to Ruby’s forehead.

He pulled the trigger.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel fucks up at the biggest party of the year

“He’s obviously mental.” Balthazar said snidely as the Angels sat around in Castiel’s backyard, discussing the events that had happened at school earlier that week. “Who the hell brings a gun to school, even if it was unloaded?”   


“He’s lucky he wasn’t expelled, the lunatic.” Gabriel agreed.

Castiel smiled. “It was just blanks, they wouldn’t expel him for that.”   


Samandriel shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “I’m just glad he didn’t kill Meg and Ruby.” He admitted in his soft voice.

“Wuss.” Gabriel muttered in response. “Balth, get your nose out of your fucking book and talk to us.”   


Balthazar put down the book he was reading, _Moby_ _Dick_ , with a guilty look. “Sorry, Gabriel.”

Gabriel scoffed. “Whatever.” He turned to Castiel, some of his blonde hair falling out of his carefully sculpted hairstyle. “You ready for the party tonight?”   


Castiel nodded, careful to choose the right words as he spoke. “It’s my first big party, I’m excited.”   


“Don’t fuck it up.” Gabriel said, as casual as if he were discussing the weather. “Or I’ll end you.”   


Castiel nodded, and the conversation was over.

~   


The party, simply put, was insane.

It was at Meg’s house, she and Ruby were put in charge of planning the entire thing. So, of course, there was copious amounts of drugs and alcohol involved.

And Castiel?   


Castiel was drunk off his ass and having the time of his life.

It was the definition of sensory overload - there was someone grinding against his back, someone grinding against his front, he had a red solo cup in hand, and the music was shaking the very foundations of the house. It was absolute chaos, and Castiel was  _ living _ .

Gabriel appeared out of nowhere, Sam by his side looking very uncomfortable, a smirk on his lips and golden hair artfully mussed. “How's the party, Cassie?” Gabriel drawled, somehow making himself heard over the pounding music.

Castiel grinned widely. “It's wonderful!” He gushed, slipping out from in between the two people he was grinding with, focusing his limited attention on Gabriel. “I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here.”   


“I know a way you can thank me.” Gabriel said easily. Castiel wasn’t in his right mind, but even his drunk self could tell the other boy was planning something. “It’s easy, you won’t even have to think about it.”   


“What?” Castiel asked, suspicion creeping into his tone.

Gabriel motioned for Sam to go get drinks, which he did, and then leaned closer to Castiel. “I want you to fuck Sammy. Things have been so dull lately, I want to spice them up.”   


Castiel’s blood ran cold. Gabriel didn’t know about he and Sam’s past, how they used to be friends before he left Castiel to be with Gabriel. Besides, Castiel was a virgin, and although virginity was a social construct he didn’t want to give it up just get courtesy of Gabriel.

But could be really say no to him? Could he really deny the wishes of the main person behind him finally having a decent social life? High school was hell, but if Castiel got kicked from the Angels now it would only get worse.

But he looked over Gabriel’s shoulder at poor Sam who was returning with drinks, having no idea what Gabriel was conspiring to do, and Castiel made up his mind.

“No.” He told Gabriel firmly.

Gabriel’s eyes widened before narrowing dangerously. “No?” He repeated in a much scarier tone.

Castiel’s resolve wavered, but didn’t break. He suddenly felt much more sober and much, much more nauseous. “Yeah. It was fun to be a part of the Angels, but I’m out.” He turned to leave, but didn’t get far before he was aggressively grabbed by the shoulder and turned back to face the blonde.   


“Oh, you’ll regret that, Cassie.” Gabriel hissed, reminding Castiel of an angry cat. He grabbed ahold of Castiel’s face, pulling him down to his own height. “You won’t even be a nobody anymore.” He continued. Castiel was suddenly aware of the music stopping and everyone looking at the two of them. “You’ll be an ex-somebody. Even the losers won’t touch you now.”   


Castiel tried to pull away, but Gabriel held firm, yanking him even closer.

“Gabriel, I really don’t feel too good-”   


He was ignored. “Transfer now, before I eviscerate you Monday morning. No one will play your fucking reindeer games!” With that, he pushed Castiel, hard, and Castiel felt the sudden punch in his gut that meant he was going to get sick.

So he did.

All over Gabriel’s pants and shoes.

There was a beat of silence, everyone in the room gaping at the two of them, and you could just barely hear Samandriels whisper of “Oh dear” before Gabriel let out a blood-curdling screech that had most of the room dropping their cups and covering their ears.

“I raised you up from  _ nothing! _ ” Gabriel said lowly, somehow scarier than if he had screamed. “And this is how you repay me? In pain, and  _ puke _ ?”   


“Oh, lick it up baby, lick it up.” Castiel said in a sudden burst of anger. It was as though everything Gabriel had ever done wrogn was popping up inside Castiel’s head, and he was furious. He turned to leave, and this time, nobody stopped him.

He was almost at the door when he heard Gabriel speak up. “At least I know where I stand come Monday morning. Do you?” His tone was mocking, cruel, and Castiel knew he was doomed.

He left.   


~   


Castiel walked home slowly, the cold air making the remaining alcohol practically dissipate from his system.

Great. He was going to die. Socially, the worst kind of death.

They’d hunt him down in study hall, string him up, stuff and mount him on a wall somewhere where Gabriel’s mocking face could look at his disembodied head every day and laugh.

God, he was so screwed. 

And what, because he didn’t want to sleep with Sam? What a stupid fucking reason to die. He could’ve done it! He could’ve…

He thought about Sam’s face, earnest to please whenever Gabriel called to him.

Castiel sighed. 

No, he couldn’t do it.

The sudden sound of jazz startled him, and he looked up to see someone through a window, a boy, taking his shirt off and getting ready for bed.

Castiel looked closer. Was that...Dean Winchester?   


He smiled to himself. Now  _ there’s  _ an idea.

Castiel looked at the house quickly, judging how much weight the pipe leading to the window could hold. It looked sturdy enough, so he latched onto it and climbed up to the second floor, into the window where he had seen Dean only moments before, only to come face to face with the same gun Dean had pulled on Meg and Ruby.

The gun lowered, and Dean’s confused face entered Castiel's field of vision. “Castiel? What are you doing in my room?”   


“You know who I am?” Castiel couldn’t help the flutter in his chest, the cute bad boy knew who he was?   


Dean scoffed. “Of course I do. You’re an Angel.”   


“Not anymore I’m not.” Castiel said grimly. “I puked on Gabriel at a party and refused to do his bidding. I’m dead come Monday.”   


Dean cocked his head, looking Castiel over. “So you have a soul?”   


“Something like that. Now if you don’t mind, you’re my last meal on death row, so shut your mouth and lose the tighty whities.” Castiel said drily.

Dean’s eyes widened, but he grinned, “This is moving awfully fast, Castiel, at least take me to dinner first.” He teased, while contradicting himself by strpping himself of his pants.

Castiel grinned, and tackled him to the bed. 

May as well make his last night count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anybody reading this? IDC, I'm gonna keep writing it anyway


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An accident occurs, a funeral is held

Castiel woke up the next morning in a cold sweat. He looked around, not recognizing his surroundings, only to come to realize the warm arm around his waist belonged to Dean, and he was in Dean’s room.

The events from the night before came flooding back to him, and he was gripped by a sudden panic as he realized one thing.

_ I have to apologize to Gabriel. _

“You good, babe?” Dean muttered sleepily as he sat, rubbing his eyes with one hand and still gripping Castiel’s waist with the other.

“Gabriel, I need to talk to Gabriel.” Castiel said, wiggling from the others hold and standing, searching frantically for his clothes.

As he searched, Dean sat up straighter with a frown. “Woah woah woah, I thought you weren’t an Angel anymore?”   


“I can’t let that happen.” Castiel hissed. “Can you imagine what she’d do to me?”   


Dean held his hands up in resigned surrender. “Fine. Get dressed, I’ll give you a ride there.”   


~   


“Gabriel?” Castiel called hesitantly as he entered through the back door, Dean on his heels. He turned to face the other. “He’s probably hungover. We could make him something gross, see what happens?”   


Dean raised an eyebrow. “And here I thought you were going to apologize. 

“I will.” Castiel shrugged. “I just want to make him suffer a bit too.”   


Dean smirked and starting digging around Gabriel’s fridge. Castiel joined him. “Maybe orange juice and milk? Think that’ll make him hurl?” Dean suggested. 

Castiel shook his head. “Maybe we can give him something and just hack a loogie in it?”   


Dean shrugged, and both boys started coughing and hacking, only to both come up blank. They shrugged at each other.

Dean turned and started looking through random cabinets, eventually coming up with some drain cleaner and a grin. “I’m personally a fan of big blue here myself.”   


“Don’t be a dick, that’ll kill him.”   


“Hence, ending his hangover!” Dean raised his arms theatrically, before turning an pouring the drain cleaner into a glass, ignoring Castiel’s pointed glare.    


Castiel sighed. “He’ll never drink something that looks like that anyway.” He muttered, unsure if Dean was joking or not.

Dean shot him a dirty look, before picking up a mug and pouring the drain cleaner into that instead. “Then we give it to him in something he won’t be able to see through.”   


Castiel grabbed an identical mug, filling it with the originally suggested orange juice and milk. “Stop fucking around, Dean.” He warned.

Dean surrendered, putting down the mug of drain cleaner and pulling Castiel in for a kiss. “I’m sorry.” He said against his lips.

Castiel smiled, grabbing a mug off the counter and going off towards Gabriel’s bedroom.

“Uh, Cas?” Dean called.

“Yeah?”   


“You...you know what, I’ll carry the mug.”   


~

“I assume you’re here to beg?” Gabriel said with one eyebrow cocked, wearing only a red silk bathrobe, one hand on his hip.

Castiel smiled somewhat apologetically. “Yes. Last night, we both said a lot of stuff we didn’t mean-”   


“Did we now?” Gabriel interrupted. “Because I don’t regret a damn thing.”   


“Ok…” Castiel grimaced. “Well, I brought you a hangover cure. I hope you can forgive me.” He gestured to Dean, who presented the mug to Gabriel, who took it and looked at it dubiously.

“What, did you hack a loogie in it?” He snarked.

Dean shrugged, answering before Castiel could. “No, but it might be a bit strong for you. You’re pretty small.”

“I’m not gonna drink it just because you called me a chicken.” Gabriel sneered. Dean gave Castiel an amused look, and Gabriel narrowed his eyes before throwing his head back and downing the drink in one go. “There, happy?” He asked, before a strange look overcame his face. He stood, staggering across the room, holding his throat as he gagged. “Corn...nuts…!” He gasped out before abruptly collapsing, shattering a glass table with dramatic fanfare as Castiel gaped at him.

“Oh my god... _ oh my god!”  _ Castiel shrieked, dropping to his knees besides Gabriel’s prone body. “I’m gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford!”

“No, no.” Dean shook his head. “Look, we did a murder. That's bad. But, uh, we can fix this!”   


“How?” Castiel said despairingly, unable to look away from the corpse on the floor. 

“Suicide.” Dean said, an eerie light to his eyes that Castiel didn't notice. “We turn it into a suicide.”   


Castiel looked at him strangely, before comprehension dawned on his face, and he started digging through Gabriel's drawers, coming up with them stationary and a nice pen, looking to Dean for a moment, who nodded.

Castiel took a deep breath and began to write.   


~   


_ Dear world, _

_ Believe it or not, I knew about fear. I knew the way loneliness stung. I hid behind smiles, and crazy hot clothes, I learned to kiss boys with my tongue. _

_ But oh, the world, it held me down. It weighed like a concrete prom queen crown. _

_ No one thinks a pretty boy has feelings. No one gets his insecurities. I am more than shoulder pads and makeup, no one sees the me inside of me. _

~

The funeral, was depressing,  to say in the least. Everyone was there, the whole damn school, and no one could even begin to fathom why Gabriel would take his own life.

But Castiel knew. He knew, and it was horrifying.

Dean, however, did not seem to upset that they killed someone. In fact, he seemed rather pleased with himself, something that terrified Castiel. Because he didn't feel nearly as bad as he should, either. In fact, he was kinda glad Gabriel was gone.

“Castiel!”   


Castiel was jerked from his ponderings at the sound of Samandriels voice, who was standing near him with an apologetic look.

“Hey, sorry to disturb you, but are you doing anything after the funeral?” He asked softly.

Castiel shrugged. “Mourning, maybe watching some TV.”   


“Could you please come on a date with me and Meg and Ruby? Balthazar said no, and Meg won’t come with me without Ruby, and I kinda don’t want to do anything by myself, and I was just hoping-”   


“I don’t know, Samandriel, I kinda have something going with Dean.” Castiel interrupted gently.

Samandriel widened his eyes. “Please? I promise nothing will happen!”   


Castiel bit his lip, knowing he couldn’t say no to the only kind-hearted Angel.    


“Fine.”   


~   


It was a shitshow.

Meg and Ruby were drunk off their asses and hell bent on seducing Castiel, something he most definitely did not want. Once he managed to escape their manicured clutches, he ran into the woods, happening to run straight into Dean, who was leaning against the tree with a raised eyebrow.

“I was doing Samandriel a favor.” Castiel explained sullenly, and Dean nodded, all anger vanishing from his expression.

“Our love is god, Castiel.” He said, laughter evident in his voice. “Lets go get a slushie.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is even reading this shit yet I'm still bothering to update


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumors are spread, Dean gets angry

The next day, Castiel felt...off. Something was wrong. Maybe it was how girls kept looking at him and giggling. Maybe it was how random boys kept eyeing him and smirking knowingly. Either way, he was very confused.

It wasn’t until Samandriel ran up to him, face covered in guilt, that Castiel got a sneaking suspicion he knew what had happened.

“I’m so sorry.” Samandriel burst out as he got within earshot, eyes filling with tears. “They told everyone, and made me promise not to tell the truth, and they’re so scary I can’t just go against them, and-”   


“Samandriel, what happened?” Castiel cut him off, a bad feeling starting in his gut.

“Meg and Ruby.” Samandriel whispered.

That was when Balthazar came sauntering up to them, dressed eerily like Gabriel, a proud smirk on his face. “Castiel.” He greeted. “I heard you had a busy night.”   


“Sorry?”

“Meg and Ruby? The whole school’s abuzz with what you three did last night.” Balthazar leaned closer, that infuriating smirk still in place. “Your little  _ menage a trois _ .”   


Castiel's eyes widened, heat flooding to his face. “I didn’t - we didn’t -”

“Tell that to Meg and Ruby, they’re the ones telling everyone.” Balthazar shrugged.

That was when Dean ripped Balthazar away from Castiel, eyes burning. “What happened?” He hissed, though it didn't quite seem like the anger was aimed at Castiel.

“Meg and Ruby.” Castiel muttered sourly, rage filling him. “They told everyone we had a threeway last night.”   


Dean hissed like a cat, rolling up his sleeves. Castiel stopped him with a hand on the arm and a shake of his head.

“They aren’t worth it.”

“How sweet.” Balthazar snarked, straightening his shirt. “But sweet won’t stop the rumor mill. Have fun with that, Castiel.” And with that he walked away, Samandriel following him with one last apologetic look at Castiel.

“I’m so sorry Dean, god, I hate those girls.” Castiel said, trying to ignore how his eyes wanted to fill up with tears.

“Don’t worry, darling.” Dean said in response. “I have a plan.”

~   


“Hey, Meg…” Castiel said in a sultry voice into the phone, throwing a pillow at a silently laughing Dean. “How did you know it was always a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once?...Yeah, hmm...No, I’m serious...Meet me at the cemetery. At dawn.”   


Dean let out a loud whoop as Castiel hung up, pulling out a bag. “Ok, I have everything we need.”   


“You never told me your plan.” Castiel reminded him.

Dean grinned. “We’re gonna knock them out, make it look like a suicide pact, complete with a forged suicide note. ‘We died because we had to hide our gay forbidden love from a disapproving world’ or some bullshit.”   


“How are we gonna knock them out?”   


“With this.” Dean pulled out a gun, showing it to a now very pale Castiel.

“Is that real?” He whispered.

“Yup, but we’re filling it with Ich Luge bullets. My grandad scored them in World War II, they contain this powerful tranquilizer, the Nazis used them to fake their own suicides when the Russians invaded Berlin.” Dean grinned. “We’re gonna use it to make Meg and Ruby look like they were going through with a suicide pact. When they wake up, they’ll be the laughing stocks of the school.”   


“Let’s go hunt some jocks.” Castiel muttered, grinning widely and pulling on a jacket.

~   


Meg strolled into the cemetery, Ruby hot on her heels, eyes lazily roving over Castiel's body. “So, do we just strip or what?” She said, ignoring Ruby's scoff.

Castiel laughed lightly, trying his best not to seem as awkward as he felt. “Take it slow, Meg. Strip for me.”   


The two girls smirked at each other, before stripping down to their bras and panties, each girl posing like something out of a magazine. “Your turn, tiger.” Ruby called out to Castiel. 

“I want you two to come here and strip me.” He said casually, ignoring how both girls eyes lit up. “On the count of three. One...two…”   


“Three.” Dean stepped out from behind a tree, shooting Ruby square in the face, while Castiel pulled a gun from his waistband and missed Meg entirely. “You missed!” Dean said incredulously as Ruby took off. “Stay here, I’ll get her. RUBY!” And he went off, chasing after the girl.

Castiel cocked his head. Getting them both really wasn’t that important, it was just for the scare, unless…

_ Oh god. _

Castiel rushed over to Meg’s prone body, grabbing her shoulders and shaking. “Meg, tell me your not really dead, you’re just unconscious, right? Meg?” He leaned down, pressing his ear to her chest, desperately searching for a heartbeat. There was none.

There was another gunshot, and then Dean emerged from the trees, blood on his shoes and a manic grin on his face.

“What the fuck have you done?” Castiel whispered.

The grin slid from Dean’s face, and he fell to his knees beside Castiel, taking his face in his hands. “I worship you.” He responded. “I’d trade my life for yours. They all will disappear, everyone who dares to touch us will die, and you know why that is, Castiel?”   


Castiel shook his head, trying to get loose, but Deans grip only tightened.

The manic grip was back. “Our love is god.” 

~   


The funeral was smaller than Heathers, kind of boring. That is, until Meg's father stood up to speak.

“I loved my daughter. More than I ever thought I could. But the fact that she turned out to be a gay? It’s so...I’m so disappointed.” He sighed.

Ruby's father stood, glaring daggers at the other man. “Well, I for one  _ love _ my dead gay daughter, and support her being gay in heaven.” He went on a full tirade of how being gay wasn’t wrong, and how he still loved Ruby, and thankfully no one caught Dean and Castiel snickering in the background.

“How do you think he would feel about a gay daughter with a pulse?” Dean snickered, and Castiel slapped a hand over his own mouth to keep from laughing.    


But his blue eyes fell upon Megs casket, and the laughter faded as quickly as it came, and Castiel knew he was trapped, trapped with this psychopath called Dean Winchester.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O o f


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything starts to really go to hell

“I have an idea of who to kill next.” Dean said, eyes glittering in malicious excitement, hands carefully gripping Castiel's arms as they sat alone in the car. “ _ Balthazar _ . He’s a dick, he’s-”   


“Dean.” Castiel cut him off. Dean fell silent, large green eyes curious. “I want to stop. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”   


“But-”   


“ _ No. _ Fine, we’re damaged, really damaged, but that doesn’t make us wise.” Castiel soldiered on, ignoring the wounded look Dean was giving him. “We’re not special, we’re not different, we don’t get to choose who lives and who dies.”   


Dean remained silent for a while, before opening his mouth. “People hurt us…”   


“But that doesn't mean we get to kill them!” Castiel cupped the other teens face. “Let’s be normal. Don’t you want a life with me?”

Another long beat of silence, and then Dean nodded. “Ok.” He said. “I promise.”   


“Thank you.” Castiel sighed.

All was well.

~   


Ms. Rowena, the school counselor, burst into the cafeteria with a camera crew and a sparkling grin. “Alright kids! Are you ready for your assembly?”   


Castiel groaned, while Samandriel made a sympathetic face and Balthazar snickered. “Yeah kids, you ready to talk about suicide?” Balthazar said maliciously, but quiet enough that Ms. Rowena didn’t hear. 

“I think it’s an important conversation.” Samandriel said quietly, but whatever response Balthazar had ready was cut off by Ms. Rowena yelling into a megaphone.

“Whether or not to kill yourself is the most important decision a teenager can make!” Her Scottish accent rang throughout the cafeteria. “Deep inside of everyone, there’s a hot ball of shame. Guilt, regret, anxiety, and nameless fears! But if we share our ugly parts, they turn out to be beautiful!”   


“This is great.” Dean whispered from behind Castiel, who jumped, having not know he was there. “I can’t be the only one who finds this hilarious.”

Castiel shot him a dirty look in response, and made to leave the cafeteria, but was cut off by the wall of people forming who wanted to be on camera.

“Who wants to share what’s in their hearts?” Ms. Rowena yelled excitedly. “No volunteers?”   


That was when everything went sideways.    


Samandriel burst into the center of the cafeteria, the words “I’ve thought about killing myself!” falling from his mouth.

Silence rang.

Balthazar looked livid. “What are you doing?” He hissed, trying to pull Samandriel away by the arm.

Samandriel, however, yanked his arm from the other Angels grasp and kept talking, ignoring the horrified looks he was getting. “The last girl I slept with killed herself because she was secretly gay. My best friend killed himself, and I didnt even know he was depressed. I have to ride the bus to school every day because all my rides are dead, and I just sit in the back with this bad feeling in my stomach wondering if anyone was left who would care if I died. I...I float in this boat, in a black ocean, with nowhere to go. And-and everyone’s screaming, everyone’s  _ fighting _ , and there’s nowhere to hide.” There were tears running down his face by the end of his rant, big blue eyes shining, somehow relieved although he had just exposed himself in front of the entire school.

“Awwww, Samandriel is crying!” Balthazar yelled out cruelly, and that was the gate opening to everyone shouting insults and jeers and a now horrified Samandriel, who ran out of the cafeteria with Castiel hot on his heels.

Castiel found the youngest Angel in the bathroom, struggling to open a bottle of sleeping pills. 

A desperate noise ripped itself from Castiel's throat, and he smacked the bottle from the others hand.

“What are you doing?” Samandriel shrieked desperately, tears still pouring down his face.

“What are you doing, trying to sleep?” Castiel responded, pulling Samandriel into a tight hug, letting the smaller boy cry into his shoulder.

“I’m not happy.” Samandriel said between sobs. “I’m supposed to be happy.”   


“If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be human. You’d be a game show host.” Castiel said softly.

Eventually the sobs tapered off, the shaking stopped, and Samandriel pulled himself from Castiel’s grasp. “Thank you.”

~   


“Why didn’t you let Samandriel die?” Dean asked accusingly as Castiel walked out of school. “That’s one less Angel in the world! That’s our goal!”   


“Samandriel is my friend.” Castiel hissed, a protective anger swelling inside of him.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, ok. Then why don’t we kill Balthazar? He’s the one that made your ‘friend’ try to kill himself!”   


“No!” Castiel pushed Dean away, needing space, before sitting on the edge of the curb. Dean sat down next to him, and Castiel let him. “I...I think we need to break up.”   


“What?” Dean asked softly.

“I’m breaking up with you.” Castiel repeated, not looking at those big green eyes he fell in love with.

“But I love you!”   


Castiel stood and left without another word, leaving Dean alone on the curb.

~   


Castiel and Samandriel were hanging in the latters backyard when Balthazar dropped by.

“Hello, sluts.” He called cherrily as he walked in, either not noticing or not caring about the defensive stances the two other boys immediately took.

“Get out.” Castiel said lowly.   


“Or at least apologize for what you did to me in the cafeteria, that sucked.” Samandriel chimed in from halfway behind Castiel.

Balthazar smirked. “I don’t need you two to like me. I just need you to sign this petition about a day of remembrance for all the suicide victims.”   


“No.” Castiel said.

“Fine.” Balthazar shrugged. “I’ll just fake your signatures like I did with Sams.” He smirked. “He’s in no position to sign anyway.”   


Castiel's blood ran cold. “What happened to Sam?”   


“Haven't you heard? Sammy walked in front of traffic earlier, holding a suicide note.”   


“Oh my god…” Samandriel said, horrified. 

“Is he dead?” Castiel mustered up the courage to ask.

Balthazar's smirk never wavered. “Just some broken bones. He’s another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.”

“This has been fun, but I have to go now.” Castiel forced himself to say, backing up a few steps before turning and sprinting. He had to leave.

~   


“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick!” Chuck, Castiel's father, asked.

Castiel's brow furrowed. His father usually didnt care where he was.    


Chuck continued. “Your friend Dean stopped by, he told me everything.”   


“Everything?” Castiel's mind spun. He was going to jail. He could barely register that Chuck was still talking.

“Your depression, your thoughts of suicide, he even showed me your copy of Moby Dick!”   


Castiel peered at the book, blood running cold. Dean had his writing down cold.

“Please, honey, talk to me.” Chuck begged.   


“No, you wouldn’t understand.”   


“Try me!”   


And for the second time that day, Castiel ran.

~   


Once Castiel was in his room, he collapsed on his bed, trying to comprehend all the events of the day.

That was when he heard his window open, and turned to see Dean’s smiling face peering through it. “Sorry for coming in through the window, dreadful etiquette, I know.”   


Castiel looked at him. There was something wrong in his face, something deranged, something that scared the everloving shit out of Castiel. “Get out of my house. I’ll scream, my dad will call the police.”   


“Aw come on, you won’t.” Dean’s insane smile never wavered. “All is forgiven baby, get dressed, we have the pep rally tonight!”   


Oh god, the pep rally. Castiel had forgotten about the pep rally.

He ran into the closet, locking the door as Dean finished crawling through the window. “Don’t hide from me, darling! I have a surprise for you!” When Dean got no answer, he continued. “I got Balthazar to get the school to sign a petition-come see what they were really signing!” 

Castiel  could hear paper being unfolded, and then Dean reading dramatically;

“We, the students of Lawrence High, will die. Our burned bodied will finally get through to you. Our society turns out slaves and blanks, no thanks. Sighed, the students of Lawrence High. Goodbye.” 

Dean banged on the closet door, and Castiel flinched, a plan beginning to run through his head. Dean kept talking. “We’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors, bring marshmallows! We’ll make smores! We can cuddle in front of the fire! Come  _ on _ Castiel! Open the fucking door, before I reach three!”   


Castiel didn’t respond.

“One...two...FUCK IT!” Dean kicked the door down, only to come to a complete stop as he registered the sight in front of him.

Castiel was hanging from the ceiling, feet dangling in the air, eyes closed. 

“Oh my god...Castiel...I can’t do this alone…” Resolution made an appearance on Dean's face. “But I will. For you.”   


And with that he was gone, headed to blow up Lawrence High.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To whom it may concern, I'm updating early this week and won't be updating at all next week because I'm going to the beach and don't want to be writing the whole time. That being said, if you're bothering to read this hell of a fic then I love you dearly and appreciate you. Thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The finale

Castiel, after hearing Dean leave, quickly untied the harness and noose he had made from spare sheets and tumbled to the ground, very much alive.

He had to do something. Fast.

He ran out of the house, ignoring Chuck calling his name and grabbing the older man’s gun on his way out, and sprinted to the school, which thankfully was only a short distance away.

Castiel crept around each corner hesitantly, sure that each step would be the one that led Dean back to him.

It was like a shitty horror movie come to life.

Eventually Castiel made it to the main hallway, where he was caught up in the rush to go to the pep rally, blending easily into the crowd. He planted his feet and grabbed a fellow seniors arm. “What's under the gym?” Castiel asked desperately.

The boy looked him over in a way Castiel assumed was mean to be flirtatious and smiled. “The boiler room. Why?”   


“Got no time to talk, I’m basically dead.” Castiel muttered, pushing the boy away and pushing through the crowd to get to a nondescript door he knew was the entrance to the boiler room.

He crept downstairs, straining his ears to catch the manic humming he knew was Deans, and the sounds of tape ripping. Castiel fingered the gun in his pocket, wondering with fear in his heart if he would truly have to use it. With a deep breath, he pulled it from his pocket, stepping out dramatically from behind some machine and pointing the gun squarely at Deans head. “Hey, darling.” He said, cocking the gun.

Dean stared at him with wide eyes, before his shocked expression dissolved into a lazy smile. “And here I thought you lost your taste for faking suicides.” He teased, clearly uncaring about the gun pointed at his face.

“Put down the bomb, Dean.” Castiel said firmly, tightening his grip.

“This little thing?” Dean gestured to the homemade bomb in his hand, and grinned again. “I’d hardly call this a bomb. This is just a little something to trigger the packs of thermals in the gym. Those…” His grin turned ugly. “Those are bombs.”   


“Dean…”   


“People are going to see the ashes of Lawrence High School, and they're gonna think, there’s a school that was destroyed not because society didn’t care, but because that school  _ was society! _ The only way Angels and everyone else can get along is in Heaven!” He was screaming by the end of his rant, the sound unheard by anyone other than Castiel over the growing chaos of the pep rally above them. Castiel wavered in his stance for a moment, and Dean saw his opportunity, snatching the gun away from him and pointing it directly at Castiel's heart. Castiel quickly made up his mind, and, praying Dean wouldn’t shoot, took a small step forward.

“I wish your mom had been a little stronger.” He said mournfully. “I wish she’d stayed around longer. I wish your dad were good, I wish grown ups didn't suck, I wish we met before you were taught life was war. God, Dean, I just wish you’d come with me.”   


Dean, though, had already made up his own mind. “I wish I had more TNT.” He said fiercely. But still, he did not shoot.

So, Castiel did yet another stupid thing, and swung at Dean, grabbing the gun with his non-dominant hand, resulting in a grappling that seemed to last hours but in reality probably only lasted a few desperate minutes.

Eventually, the gun went off, and Castiel froze.

It wasn’t him who got shot.

Castiel slowly turned to look at Dean, who was sinking to the floor with a look of shock and pain on his face, clutching his stomach.

“Dean, tell me how to turn off the bomb. Tell me!” Castiel begged, but Dean shook his head, before his eyes slid shut and he was lost to the world.

Castiel turned to face the bomb, which only had five minutes left, and decided to do one final stupid thing.

~   


He limped outside, clutching the bomb to his chest like a baby, making his way out to the football field where no one except him would be hurt by the blast.

This was Castiel’s mess. He had to clean it up.

_ You know, the irony in this is that I never got to write my own suicide note. _ Castiel thought to himself, gripping the bomb tighter, eyes widening in panic as Dean slowly made his way from the school towards him, still gripping his stomach with blood-soaked fingers.

“I am damaged.” Dean smiled once he was within earshot, but it wasn’t his normal cocky smile. No, it was small, and real, and pained. “Far too damaged. But...you’re not beyond repair.”   


Castiel eyes him warily, yanking the bomb away when he reached for it. There were only two minutes left.

“Stick around here. Make things better. You beat me, Castiel.” Dean smiled again, reaching for the bomb, intent behind his words. Stunned, Castiel let him take it, slowly backing away. Dean would disable the bomb, it would all be ok. “Stand back now. I really don’t know what this things will do.” Castiel stepped back unthinkingly, before his eyes widened. Oh no. “I kinda wish you’d kiss me right now, just so you know how much I worship you.”   


Castiel knew exactly what Dean was about to do, and it wasn’t disable the bomb.

“I’d trade my life for yours.” Dean continued.

“Oh my god…” Castiel breathed.

“And once I’m gone, Castiel...clean up the mess I made.” Dean begged, that sad smile still on his face.   


Castiel shook his head. “Not this way, Dean,  _ please _ .”   


“Our love is god.” Dean said calmly. “God, Castiel.”

“Say hi to God.” Castiel murmured gently, just loud enough for Dean to hear.   


Dean looked at him with nothing but love in his eyes, and then the bomb went off.

~

Students swarmed form the building, gathering around a smiling Castiel.

“What happened? People were saying you killed yourself!” Samandriel cried out, hugging Castiel tightly.

Balthazar looked at him, annoyed. “You look like hell.” He snarked.

“Yeah? I just got back.” Castiel responded coldly, smiling in spite of himself.

Things, it seemed, were finally going to go back to normal.

All was well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's finally over, thank christ

**Author's Note:**

> I update every Saturday, this is a really fun concept for me so I hope y'all will enjoy reading it as much as I'll enjoy writing it. Thanks for giving it a shot!


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